If you have ever been guilty of taking something personal, you are not alone. I speak for most people when I say we have all been there, and repeated the cycle. Typically, what a person does has little to do with us, and everything to do with them. Yet more times than not, we are ready and willing to take ownership of their emotions, even to our own detriment.
When we feel confident in ourselves, in our ideas, and actions we are less susceptible to the thoughts of others creating our identity and lack of self-confidence. Knowing your own personal self-worth is your armor for receiving negative or critical feedback. Here are the top six components of Q-tip: Quit Taking It Personal.
1. Stop Being a Bully – No one judges us as hard as we judge ourselves. Stop bullying yourself! We constantly compare ourselves to others, and for lack of better words, beat ourselves up. The negative self-talk in your head needs to stop. Ego has a very tricky way of allowing the mind to play the judge and juror. We too easily accept the lies and false perceptions others label us as. Pay attention to what you tell yourself. Becoming aware is the key to success and growth.
2. Have Gratitude – Open your eyes tomorrow morning, and before the mind automatically begins to foretell your day’s future events and dreaded to-do list tell the mind to hold up, pause, freeze, and take three steps back! Start by creating a gratitude list of 3 to 5 things to give thanks. It took repetition for me to not immediately get up, make a to do list in my head, point out which to do’s I was looking forward to, and which to do’s I wished I had a clone to take my place. A person who practices gratitude looks at life from a different perspective. Gratitude is being aware of what you do have vs what you do not!
3. I AM– “I Am” is a statement that holds much power. Always speak as if you already are even if you do not think or feel this way. After a while, the subconscious mind hears these phrases and believes them. Eventually flowing into the conscious mind. Now, a positive shift in ourselves begins!
4. Ask Questions– All too often we make the dreaded mistake of assuming. Take for example, the email you send your boss, with no response. You ruminate all day assuming as to why he never replied. “He clearly doesn’t value my feedback.” Such assumptions crush your self-esteem; a late email comes through apologizing for the lack of response due to a family emergency. Work to feel confident enough to ask questions. Seek clarification when needed, do not assume, it will save you unnecessary stress.
5. Own it– Be accountable for your actions and words, which is all you can control. Use “I” statements instead of the blaming “You” statements. When you do not agree with other’s feedback remember you can reject this as your belief system. You hold the power to become whom you want.
6. Do not let others define you. Q-TIP is a skill that requires practice. Be patient with yourself when starting these steps. When you begin to master the ability to quit taking things personally, you become free. Yes, freedom awaits you! When you become someone who is open and balanced, you release fear, and embrace whatever life throws at you!
In order to stop taking it personally, consider the situational factors along with the other person’s motivations and background. Improving your self-confidence and communicating assertively are key to being able to handle other people’s comments.
Have you struggled with taking it personal? Let us know how you have dealt with it.
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